One year into the PhD - the journey so far

 A year ago, almost to the day, I started my part-time PhD. I can’t believe that time has disappeared already and that is more than a little scary.

I’m writing this post firstly to help me keep track of where I am, secondly to be able to look back on this one day when I have my doctoral robes (sadly no sword for us in the UK – very envious of Finland!), and thirdly, because I would have liked to have read a post from someone in a similar position and I haven’t found much. Hopefully this will help someone in the future. For context, I work full-time, am a single mum to two little ones, am a primary school governor, and due to a variety of reasons I don’t get much in the way of practical support.

Doing a PhD had been on my radar for about eight years, although I hadn’t pinpointed an actual topic or idea how I could actually fit it in. In 2021, I recognised that I couldn’t wait anymore, that there was never going to be a perfect time, and that I needed to move forward with my life -  so I started the conversations and started putting together a research proposal. In early 2022, I was interviewed for the place and was accepted. And it’s been quite the year since.

Due to working mainly with people either with or on their way to obtaining their PhDs, I was under no illusion of the stress and challenges – my Twitter feed is full of it. However, my plan of working everyday 8-10pm did not work as I would regularly fall asleep and my brain was in no place to think. I hadn’t banked on that as I have managed to lead programmes (including the department during the first year of Covid lockdowns); complete a 500-hour yoga teacher training course; deliver national and international conference sessions; and write – all while on little sleep and a slightly fuzzy head. It turns out I can’t do a PhD like that.

More recently, I have managed to find some ways of working that suited me, found some helpful podcasts/Youtube videos and been introduced to some supportive online communities. I did go through a sticky patch at the latter end of last year due to some significant school challenges and some complications in the divorce process, which corresponded with seemingly never-ending children’s sickness bugs – to the extent that abeyance was mentioned.

Since then radical acceptance, prioritisation and organisation has been key.

Snowdrops: they seem delicate but can withstand challenging environments - I'm sure there's a metaphor in there somewhere :)

What has been challenging?

Finding thinking and writing time: This is the most crucial for me. I now get up quite early in the morning and after the cat is fed and I have done some gentle yoga, I spend time on the PhD. Previously I had let it go weeks as I felt I needed large chunks of time. While that would be lovely, I need to work with what I have. I aim to touch the PhD every day and usually write 200/250 words a day. It’s not much but it all adds up.

Balancing all the things: Most self-help gurus will say focus on one thing and do it well. However, when you have responsibilities and mouths to feed this isn’t always practical. My yoga teaching and coaching are on hold; however, I do the occasional voluntary session at work to keep my skills fresh and I incorporate the principles of both into my teaching. I could potentially give up the governor position; however, after seeking advice from someone I respect, I have now clarified my role. As a result, I have added value (the school now have three core values rather than substantially more) and I appreciate the friendship and support they have provided.

Isolation: My work is very people-focussed and facing so I don’t feel like I am missing out in terms of contact with others. If anything, I can find it tiring. Although rather disturbingly, during the lockdowns, I realised that quarantine had become my usual lifestyle. However, there’s something to be said for being with people who understand and truly see you and this is why the word ‘connection’ has become a bit of a theme this year.

What has made life easier?

 My supervisors: They are amazing, lovely and kind. They know I can be hard on myself so they are clear and gentle with their criticism. I need them to not sugarcoat but also not be brutal and they do this well.

Changing my environment: I work on my day job between campus and home and when at home I migrate between the table, a desk in my bedroom or the settee.  At the moment, every two to three months, I do get a day or two to myself in which I study and I find working elsewhere useful. So far, I have used postgraduate research rooms, the public  library and have ventured to the British Library. If I combine it with a parkrun or some yoga, it can feel like a retreat. (I was recently going to apply for a single mum’s writing retreat but after they received approx. 700 applications I decided not to – there’s clearly a need for it!)

Friendship: Several individuals have cheered me on and made me both laugh and reflect through the last year.  They are all wonderful human beings and I appreciate every one of them.

Going forwards, I really need to crack on with my literature review but, in the meantime,  I am sat next to my youngest who has spent the last few days vomiting. As I said, radical acceptance is key!

I’d love to hear your experiences. Feel free to share them in the comments.

2022: Reflections and the year ahead

 

"The stars began to burn

Through the sheets of clouds

And there was a new voice

Which you slowly recognised as your own"

                                                            The Journey, Mary Oliver

Another year and another Mary Oliver quotation from me. This one is from The Journey and I think it is my favourite.

I have been wondering on and off whether to share an end of year post this time round. It has been a significant year for transitions and tribulations and they are far from over. 

Like the previous year, 2022 didn't get off to a great start. The kids and I had Covid at the same time as I had some of my big online teaching sessions. Hospital trips followed as it affected my youngest’s asthma. On reflection, I should have postponed my teaching but at the time the thought of rearranging everything felt worse than pushing through.

Fortunately; dear reader, it started to pick up...

One of my intentions last year was to have lots of fun trips and adventures with my little ones. We definitely achieved this in 2022. We  went to adventure parks, a local festival, Go Ape challenges (I still haven’t mastered the best way to go down a zip wire!), a circus, the Legoland hotel for my son’s birthday (expensive but amazing), National Trust places, lots of parks and woods, plus we went to Centerparcs for the first time for my big birthday. I also drove (5 hours!) to see my parents in Morecambe. While I can’t afford to repeat this in quite the same way next year, I want to continue getting out and about to share joyful experiences with them.

Getting outdoors

Lego room

I had my research proposal accepted in April which was both exciting and scary. I am enjoying the process enormously and learning so much but, as expected when I signed up, progress is slow. This is something I need to get used to given the other demands on my time and energy.

Workwise, I took a step back from speaking at conferences and events to focus on the newly accredited programmes and pathways to Advance HE status as well as my PhD. Other than Springboard, which I’ve done for a few years now, I chose not to speak at anything in 2022. I was happy to put this aside as I had spoken at many events in the previous few years. I now intend to start this up again going forwards and will present again but only on areas directly related to my work or my research.

In May, I received my 500-hour Yoga Alliance International certificate which felt like a great achievement after everything that’s happened over the last few years. Since then I’ve been teaching yoga nidra at work and incorporating the philosophy and asana into my teaching. I also had a coaching article published this year too which I enjoyed writing. I’m looking forward to finding out how I can start to blend my coaching work with yoga, reflection and academic professional development.

I still write for The Academic Woman and I continue to be a wellbeing primary school governor. I find these positions rewarding and will remain in them so long as I can add value. 

Aims and plans for 2023:

For 2022, I chose the word dignity as my word of the year. It was a useful check-in throughout the months, and it can be easy to lose when there are challenging situations. I may have been spotted a tad tearful in the vicinity more than once but, in general, it was a good anchor.

This year I have chosen two – self-compassion and connection. The first is because too many people have recently told me I need to be kind to myself. I am listening! The second is because I spent some of 2022 re-establishing connections with people and it has been really lovely. This is something I want to increase and maintain.

My general aims and plans for 2023 then are:

• to have lots of fun with my two little ones
• focus on my PhD
• blend my professional interests
• consider the steps I need to take to get to Reader. (At one point, I wouldn’t have considered this but several people recently have told me they would support me if I did - so, I can but have a look)

Last year, I wrote I would go gently into the new year armed with compassion and friendship. As there are more changes (both positive and negative) on the horizon at work, some significant schooling challenges coming my way, and a literature review to write, this approach is more necessary than ever. 

I am hopeful. And when I am not, I will reread The Journey.  

I would love to know what your plans, goals and hopes are for 2023.

 

2021: Reflections and the year ahead

                                   "Tell me, what is it you plan to do, with your one wild and precious life" 

                                                            The Summer Day, Mary Oliver

I love Mary Oliver's poetry. I only have one book of hers, Devotions, but it always has a poem for every occasion and mood. This quote resonates right now for me as I think about my next steps, especially as I meet a big birthday next year. 

It's been difficult to blog this year, just as it was in 2020.

2021 didn't get off to a good start as the inevitable January lockdown in England was announced. We all knew it was coming but as the school closures were announced I, like many others, did cry as I wondered how I would manage. At times it didn't feel like it was going to get better, especially as it finally became official that my 21 year relationship had disintegrated too.

It would be remiss of me; however,  not to reflect on this year as I spend so much of my working life extolling the virtues of reflection!

Positives and challenges

Professional:

I followed up my previous presentations for Advance HE on coaching and academic practice by speaking at their HE Wellbeing Symposium about embedding coaching techniques into our accredited professional development programme. The focus was on time and space, something I feel that has been reduced for many over the years, and especially during the pandemic.

I continued my regular contributions to The Academic Woman magazine and was delighted to be invited to deliver a webinar for them and later to be invited to their editorial panel. I like working with this group  - our values align and they are filling a real gap in the market.

The Advance HE pathways I lead have gone from strength to strength which has been a relief, with the introduction of online writing retreats and a coaching programme. The thing I was most proud of; however, was being invited to the Special Libraries Association Europe and International Conferences. In the European one I was asked to speak about resilience and thriving. It was quite personal and the feedback was lovely - I really hope it helped people consider what they can control in the times we are living in. As you know from my social media, I am a bell hooks and Brene Brown fan. They both speak about showing vulnerability to encourage authenticity and courage, yet Brene warns about sharing issues you are still working through so it was a careful balance as to what to include.

Personal

I am still volunteering as a primary school governor, and still working on my 300 hour yoga teacher training certificate. The former has allowed me to learn and hopefully contribute to the school and the latter has been for my own personal interests - I have really enjoyed it, especially the yin yoga and yoga nidra elements of it. 

As lockdown eased,  I was able to continue the woodland and river walks, and arrange some trips with my children, including a lovely trip with fantastic views in Poole. 

In addition, I have completed my research proposal and have submitted it so hopefully I will be able to start a PhD this year.

Birthday walk by the river at Cliveden

Poole views

Aims and plans for 2022:

For 2021, I chose the word Energy as my word of the year. It was a useful check-in throughout the months but it's time for another one. I'm still deciding but in the meantime, my aims and plans for next year are:

• to have lots of fun with my two little ones.
• enjoy my 'big' birthday
• complete my 300hr YTT course which will then qualify me as a 500 hour YTT
• like last year, still plan amazing ' one-day' future adventures (I want to see waterfalls, cherry blossom and still dreaming of seeing the northern lights)
• start work on my PhD - eep!

I appreciate it is going to take a while for me to find self-acceptance and self-esteem again so I aim to go slowly and gently into the new year armed with compassion and friendship. 

I would love to know what your plans, goals and hopes are for 2022. Please feel free to use the comments.